A Man’s Right to Hit Her

14 May , 2014

Angry Women

The buzz about Jay Z and sister-in-law Solange has taken over the airwaves and it seems men have more to say on the matter than women. Sadly the overwhelming sentiment is either “She's lucky he exercised restraint and did not deal her the blow she deserved”, or “Jay Z is a noble fellow who would have been within his rights had he opted to defend himself, because ‘a man is not a punching bag and can only take so much."

It was not until reading such comments that I decided to offer up my personal insights.

First, let’s be clear that this is not a speculator’s blog about what Jay Z could have said or could have done to incite Solange. Beyond that I want to address my disappointment with the men and sadly, some women who believe a man is justified in "defending himself" against what has clearly been deemed the "weaker sex."  Whether weak or not, she is a woman; whether she behaves as one or not she, is still a woman. Defending oneself against another denotes survival mode, prevention from injury. Defense is required when one's safety is at risk. Whenever a man feels unsafe around a woman with whom he has an established relationship, my first question would be "why do you remain in a relationship with her?" If severing ties is not feasible, then distance seems a logical alternative to subjection.

If it happens to be someone with whom you've recently been acquainted, you may not feel much of an obligation to her or the people who care about her and thus may find it more difficult to conjure up a reason not to apply quick and ready force to her temple or throat. The very thought is evidence that you know how easy it would be to silence and incapacitate her with little effort. 

I remember the first time I heard about a boy hitting a girl. It shook me to the core. One punch in the face and she fell unconscious, dying shortly thereafter. She had done nothing to provoke her teenage boyfriend, short of breaking up with him. The news of her death alerted me to the irreversible dangers of physical violence, especially the unintended dangers.

Lately on Worldstar, too many young people are posting videos of girls being hit by boys, body slammed by boys, left unconscious,  while the voice behind the camera phone is laughing and insisting no one intervene.

As you read this, you're asking at least one of the following questions:

So are you saying it's o.k. for Worldstar to highlight girls beating and stomping each other to a pulp, girl-on-girl violence?

Or

Are you condoning the female's behavior? Is it okay for her to spit in a man's face, curse him out, kick him, swing on him? We're supposed to walk away and call her a woman acting like that? I want her to know that'll be her last time disrespecting me like that, drunk or not.

The answer to all of the above is the same. None of it is okay. In May 2011, 25 year-old John lost his life over a 5-dollar bet when he agreed to let 5’5”, 142-pound, 22-year-old Tiffany throw one punch to his face.

In the case of heated arguments, I have and will always advise females to avoid physical altercations. Do whatever you can to walk away. This is not always easy, and for the female who will fight if the wind changed directions, it is doubly hard. But it can be done. When it comes to men (and boys), I advise women (and girls) they should never take for granted he is not or will not become dangerous. Every human being has a set of invisible buttons that can be pushed, whether inadvertent or intentional.

My point is, a man is morally bound (apparently many do not know this), to exercise meekness in the face of female-gender assault. If she is not threatening with a knife, gun or potential weapon (letter opener, for example), he should attempt to spare her the so-called lesson he may be tempted to teach.

My concern is life. I have seen too many people’s lives change because of a moment of anger or a moment of stupidity, or both.